Whingers Apologise to Enda Kenny, Announce New Direction

CASTLEBAR: Representatives of the local Whingers and Begrudgers Association have formally apologised to Enda Kenny after being exposed for their shameful behaviour.

“We unreservedly apologise for spreading the butter of shite buzz on the national craic ciabatta” said chairman Sean Downey, adding that “we have decided to turn over a new leaf by inserting terrible jokes into every press release. At least other people will be whingeing about us for a change”.

This approach was welcomed by Kenny’s campaign spokesperson Anne Collins, who stated “This is a great day for our great nation. We can finally move together by agreeing to agree on everything, including how terrible their jokes are”.

Local residents have expressed surprise at the development, with one man claiming, “These people have been at the heart of every issue in Ireland for the past 800 years. Don’t ask me how I know that, all I’ll say is I pulled it out of my arse. Anyway, this means we’ve become a mature and healthy society where disagreement no longer exists. In fact, the only thing we disagree on now is exactly how terrible their jokes actually are. I quite liked that ‘butter of shite buzz’ one.”

Gardai declined to comment as they arrested the man for the new offence of whingeing with intent to be a begrudging bollix.

 

Ryan Platts

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