The President of Ireland is known for his love of the finer things in life, the scholar and gent has dabbled in literature before but no one expected this clash of highbrow culture to mix with the smut that 50 Shades of Grey brought with it.

We were lucky enough to get an excerpt from the forthcoming poem. Here is some of what is ahead for the nation:


I’ll grab my hurley stick,

And spank her in the hey.

She’ll beg for my ****,

And make me a cupán tae.


Explore her anatomy,

I’ll be her Christian,

Separate church and state,

And flood her system.


Chain her like a water protest,

But stop for the Angelus,

Be a little tease,

Slap her for my pensioner’s card for the bus.