After recent revelations of major media outlets putting pressure on “false” news sites to be forcibly shut down and removed from major social media outlets such as Facebook, (for our own good),, which miraculously escaped this cull, has done an extensive study on your behalf. We have discovered that a shocking 87% of all Facebook statistics are made up! (Potentially even this one). In light of our recent findings we have composed five reasons why only a selection of privatised media outlets should be allowed broadcast the real news.

  1. We are thick. Let’s face it we don’t know our arses from our elbows, let’s collectively let someone else tell us what to think.
  2. We have no way of separating the truth from lies. Sure God help us, imagine having to use your own brain to think about something logically!
  3. BAAAAAAAA! You guessed it, we share 27% of our D.N.A. with sheep (according to the latest polls), and like good sheep we should follow our shepherd or risk getting bitten by the scary doggy.
  4. We are thick. Out of the 29% of you who have had the capability to read this far, only 7% will have noticed that this is the first point.
  5. Sapology. We are saps. 85% of us are moaning little bitches who air our grievances after a few scoops in the pub but do feck all about anything.

PS. This is post is 38% factual.

Eoghan Danaher