Pussy-grabbing advocater Katie Hopkins’ J1 visa for the U.S. this upcoming summer has been rejected and is currently under the investigation of Home Land Security.

After last Friday’s interview on The Late Late Show Mrs. Katie Hopkins proposal that President-elect Donald Trump was in fact not a racist, sexist, fascist or xenophobe has sparked outrage Trump Tower.

Hopkins shocking and upsetting allegations were denounced by fellow panellist Colette (who the f@~# is she) Kelly and interviewer Ryan “Sweetie” Tubridy. Katie Hopkins’ premeditated attack, evident by her handmade cue cards that she exposed to the nations’ eyes, remarked that Donald Trump was a politically correct, soft spoken liberal. Infuriated by these comments Ms. Kelly spat out her Ballygowan water and refuted, “He’s a fascist, racist, sexist. His derogatory comments are appalling.”

A spokesperson for Mr. Trump finally broke the silence this morning, “The President-elect is disgusted with the comments made by Ms. Hopkins. How dare she attempt to devalue everything Der Fuhrer-I’m sorry, Mr. Trump, stands for. ’Merica rejects her ill-conceived comments. ’Merica’s great, Trump’s great. He was elected on a platform of racism, xenophobia and misogyny. How dare this Ms. Hopkins denounce his core values.” When questioned on the possibility of Katie Hopkins’ J1 visa application being accepted he responded, “Mr Trump plans a ban on all who denounce his rhetoric, anyone suspected or supporting the fact that he is not racist will be screened by Home Land Security.

Trump-Hopkins Tower

A (poor) artist’s impression of the newly renovated Trump Tower in Chicago.

Before the short interview ended the spokesperson did give his views on the other panellist, who no Irish person had ever heard of before in their lives. “However this ‘Colette Kelly’ person seems to be an excellent judge of character. She’s great, he loves Ms. Kelly. He said she’s easily a 7.5 and exactly the kind of person who recognises Mr. Trump’s beliefs, and as such would be welcomed with open arms to our shores…As long as she’s, ya know,” Trump’s spokesman then gesticulated at the porcelain-white skin of his own face,

Although Mr. Trump was not available for the interviewer, sources within the Tower of Der Furher claims the Leader of the Free World was too busy googling how and what in God’s name does the job of being President of the United States America actually entail.

Eoghan Danaher