A dinner left cold, a man still fuming. Thomas O’Connor, a resident of Dublin 8, is seeking full compensation after he suffered a loss of appetite while viewing the RTE: Six One News.

The recent series of world tragedies left a bitter taste in the mouth of the Louth native, “It was all set, the meat, the mash, the veg. Sat down, tele on and what do I see? The terrorism, the famine, and the dead. It put me right off”

Not only is this a financial matter as O’Connor points out, the incident too caused rifts in his marriage of 12 years. “It had nothing to do with her cooking. I tried convincing her for hours. I was experiencing something beyond culinary skills, beyond indigestion, it was empathy. And it’s for that exact reason I plan to sue RTE for everything they have.”

Today in court O’Connor stood brandishing, a stale, half eaten beef-wellington. Forensics proved the findings to be damning. Crumbs and ill-attempted chews around the perimeter of the pastried wad of cow signified a struggle, while signs of hesitant knife and fork play indicated apathy. In his last plea for justice, O‘Connor took to the stand.

Court Wellington

Mr. O’Connor, pictured here angrily gesticulating with a cold, flaccid beef wellington.

RTE are well known for their tasteless coverage but this is beyond the pale, I am forced daily to gorge on an omnibus of suffering, Middle Eastern this, typhoon that. What once was a glistening beef bonanza is now a listless slab of gristle unfit for consumption. I won’t stop till RTE give back what was mine. An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a meal for a meal. Justice shall prevail “

Update: Lawsuit falls through after it was revealed the evidence was cooked.

Brian Quinn