A Bank of Ireland employee is reported to be in some distress in a Dublin nightclub, after a trip to a local public house for a post-work pint turned sour. Nigel Jones, 35, is believed to have gone to Searson’s, on Baggot Street, with a group of co-workers sometime around six o’clock this evening, with the intention of having “one or two pints” to celebrate the end of the working week.

A colleague, who spoke on condition of anonymity, confirmed that the majority of the group had departed by 19:30. “Nigel kept saying that he had to go, as he’d planned to watch some episodes of The Walking Dead with his girlfriend” said the colleague, “but Stephen bought him a third pint, and he was tied into a round system with three other guys.” These ‘other guys’ are all believed to be in their early 20s.

The group of four were spotted in O’Donoghue’s pub on Merrion Row at around midnight, where Mr Jones was reported to be behaving erratically,  causing some concern among some of the more terror-conscious patrons by repeatedly shouting “Shots!” at the top of his voice.

The group is believed to have moved on to Copper Face Jacks, the popular late-night watering hole on Harcourt Street, with Mr Jones covering the €10 admission fee for his three colleagues. Things took a turn for the worse minutes after their arrival there, however, when a passing female enquired as to Mr Jones’s profession. He allegedly nodded, laughed slightly, then said “Yes.”

One of his colleagues offered him a drink shortly afterwards, to which Mr Jones replied in the affirmative. When the colleague went on to ask what drink Mr Jones would like, he responded in a similar manner: a nod, a quick chuckle, followed by a “Yeah.”

Further reports have surfaced of Mr Jones claiming to know the name of a particular dance track, but refusing to divulge either the artist’s name or track title when pressed. Instead, he laughed, as if the woman speaking to him had made a particularly funny joke. He has also lied about his name on two occasions, claiming that he’s called “Yeah, good one!”

He was last spotted on the dance floor moving erratically, pointing at the ceiling with each index finger and waving his hands in front of his face. His eyes were reportedly closed, and one witness confirmed that he was singing along to the songs, but “always a second or so late.”

UPDATE: We managed to locate Mr Jones at the main bar of Coppers, where he seemed to be pretending to send a text in slow motion. He insisted that he was alright when we enquired as to his well-being, even though his beard was flecked with what appeared to be vomit. When pressed, he confirmed that it was indeed vomit, but bravely attempted to laugh the situation off.

He also confirmed that he had indeed planned to spend the evening watching The Walking Dead, and seemed to find our suggestion that his partner might be displeased with his night’s antics to be exceedingly funny. Despite no sign of them, he also claimed to know where his three colleagues were, but responded to further questioning on the matter with nothing more than a knowing laugh, staying tight-lipped as to their whereabouts.

Before we left, he confirmed that he wanted to make one final comment for the record. However, he seemed to think better of it at the last second, chuckling to himself before turning and vomiting in his hand.

Dáire McNab