After ending his vow of silence, as part of his New Year’s resolutions, Minster of Health Leo Varadkar has decided to participate in his job again and has come up with a solution for the trolley situation that is rampant among Irish hospitals at the moment.
The bright-eyed politician arrived in the Dáil this morning with a cunning plan that will not only solve the bed crisis but will also reduce the health budget in the coming year for the country. The Health Minister told Dáil members that it is time that the Republic start “piggy backing” off Britain’s free healthcare which is managed by the NHS.
In a speech to TDs, where for some inexplicable reason he winked at Mary Mitchell O’Connor on two separate occasions, he told the government and members of the opposition that, “We have reached 100% occupying capacity in hospitals around the country. We need an efficient and sustainable solution for this crisis.”
“Keeping in tradition with what Irish people do in times of struggle, we have looked to the Brits to see how they dealt with the problem. After an undercover mission to their free hospitals, where I demanded a prostate exam despite the protests of the doctor that it was an unnecessary test when complaining of a sore knee, an idea came to me.”
“The trollies that we place our gravely ill patients on in corridors for all the public to see have wheels on them. I have drawn up plans to find an area along the border that has a hill going into Northern Irish territory. From this area, I will personally push the trollies down the hill. Once they clear the border, they are the problem of the British Government and must be treated accordingly by them.”
The plan was met with a standing ovation from TDs on all sides of the Dáil. It has been praised as being “bold”, “brave”, and “just might work”. Gerry Adams also added that he knows a perfect area to transfer people across the border without being detected by Northern Irish authorities.