International visitors to the nation’s capital can take solace in the fact that the government have passed a new law that means it is now illegal for the nation’s homeless people to make eye contact with tourists as they bleed them dry on their cash.

Visiting the Emerald Isle has become has become more important than ever for the economy as leave lockdown and the COVID pandemic behind. Tourists feel victimised by homeless people asking for spare change which, in turn, dampens their holidays. One sunkissed, ugg/leggings clad woman with sunglasses told, “Golly! I just don’t want to have to think about other people’s misfortune during my vacation. I’m sorry to sound blunt but like if you don’t have a home my vacation spending money. It’s not my fault that I do all my transactions through plastic these days, this means I can’t be dishing out change to all the hobos that approach me.”

Taoiseach, Michael Martin, told reporters after the announcement of the new law that, “It will mean that you won’t feel guilty when you go back to one of many hotels where approved to build so we could destroy Dublin’s night life. This will be the new stance for as long as I’m in office.” The news was met by the opposition party, Fianna Gael, with optimism as the systemic elitist attitude of the party bared its ugly head.