If you were told that a nuke was about to wipe you and everybody else off the face of the earth in a matter of minutes, what would you do?
Personally, I can’t imagine bringing myself to do anything apart from empty the fridge of any ice cream an cry relentlessly in the pillow.
Luckily, it’s something most of us will hopefully never have to think about, unlike the unfortunate residents of Hawaii this weekend.
An error from the state’s Emergency Management Administration caused a message to be sent to hundred of thousands of mobile phones on Saturday morning, indicating that a missile strike was imminent.
It wasn’t until forty minutes later that a second message was sent, letting people know that there was indeed no threat.
That wasn’t quick enough though for some people to act in some strange ways, as would be expected when you believe that you only have a little while to live. Why wouldn’t you go crazy?
Expecting this, one Reddit user asked the question ‘People who made an impulse decision when they found out Hawaii was going to be nuked, what did you do and do you regret it?‘ and some of the responses were unexpected.
“My 70 year old dad ate two loaves of bread while hiding in his closet. He said he only regrets it because he has to buy more bread now – u/lookma_noserotonin”
Bread is pretty great, but as a last meal? Really? One other Hawaiian had loftier ambitions for his doomsday food of choice:
“I ate all the leftover lasagna in my fridge. I figured that if shits about to hit the fan, I better carb tf up -u/dickheadfartface”
A special mention also has to go to the man who wanted to spend his final moments making sure that he was cemented in the history books, even if it left to some awkwardness afterwards:
“Once I realized they were all together, I went to the third floor of a building with some coworkers and waited for the big bang or whatever was to come.
I told my big Samoan boss that we should just hug. This way they would find us frozen in time like the folks they found in Pompeii after Mount Vesuvius Things were a little awkward the rest of the day – u/MauiboyMike”
Hawaii is also known for being a very peaceful place, and even with the end of the world in their sights, some of its residents honoured this reputation perfectly:
“My friend, before receiving the false alarm alert, said he made a mimosa, said goodbye to his family, and planned to go sit on the beach to watch, as he described it, the ‘fireworks’ – u/jviray”
“I looked at my girlfriend and said “I love you and I hope it’s fast”. Sat in bed with her looking at pictures of our trip we took to big island and just was with her – u/bobbyioaloha”
For most people though, there was only one thing they had on their mind with the end of days in sight; get the ride.
You’d be hard pressed thinking of a better way to go out and we can only imagine that there will be a huge spike in babies born in the island state this October.
Some people just went at it, some were unlucky and some were just plain freaky:
“Had pre-nuke sex. No regrets. Tried to time it with the flash. Everyone came, except the flash – u/bidiot”
“I was in a hostel and I’m a male and all of the other people in the hostel room I was in were women the same age as me.
We all got the text at once and looked at each other. I knew what I had to do….Awkwardly comfort them with jokes while they cried. Not very romantic – u/GiantMobyDick”
“I had no idea what to do, so I got freaky with my wife while smearing birthday cake all over her body. I had to get a Plan B today but they were all out – u/fotzenil”
We may have been spared this time from nuclear destruction,but in a world where Kim-Jong-Un and Donald Trump are playing a game of checkers with insults and threats of war, you may wanna take some inspiration from ideas.
If a nuke ever makes its way to Ireland, we’ll just see you all in the pub!