Disney announced yesterday that it would be remaking its spud-eating, pub-brawling, fiddle-playing Irish classic.
Disney Chairman, Bob Iger gave the announcement to an unsolicited number of journalists at the Mouse’s front gates when they heard the news of this unwanted remake.
‘We know you all hate living in the now so we’re gonna pump out another nostalgia ride this year. The Irish-folk classic, “Darby O’Gill and the Little People” will be remade and is set for production in 2022.’
‘It’s got an all American, star-studded cast who are going through rigorous training to nail that Irish accent we all love because pretending to be someone is their job and their effort to do this accent should be somewhat convincing.’
‘Christopher Walken will play Darby O’Gill, Emily Blunt will play his rebellious daughter, Katie and John Hamm will play Michael McBride. Hamm has refused to do the Irish accent but he’ll still be in the movie. His character will just be American from now on.’
Iger refused to answer questions about one other iconic character however, Brian, King of the Leprechauns. Rumours circulated outside Disney’s front gates that Iger whispered the name of the actor who would play the 5000-year-old king to his PR assistant. Journalists quickly fled the scene to go to the local Wholefoods where the mystery actor was believed to be shopping then.
The mystery actor was believed to be none other than Academy Award Winner, Nicholas Cage. When asked if he would be playing the role of King Brian, the Face/Off star sternly replied ‘Yeah, I’ll to be in the movie, but on one condition… I get to play all of the leprechauns.’
Questions flooded the internet asking if it is ethical to put this American interpretation of Irish culture back on to the silver screen. One Twitter user asked ‘you’re not really going to have the last fight in a stout soaked pub are ya?’
Perhaps an alcohol-free version of the black stuff is what this movie needs hmmm? Pepsi is the tastiest, alcohol alternative you can get and they have sponsored our Goodie Bag Campaign this year. Keep an eye out for us on your college campus as we’ll be handing out these goodie bags when it is safe to do so.