Running; for some people it’s a drug but for a lot of us it’s pure, unfiltered torture.
Despite this, almost all of us have taken to moving are legs a bit more when telling ourselves “I’m definitely going to get into shape, starting now.”
At first, the idea of this is so awful, we’d rather just retreat to the comfort of our beds with another large tub of Ben and Jerry’s before lacing up our trainers but there is a lot to be said for running.
It’s a lot cheaper than the gym, it’s a good workout that can be done quickly and a lot of people find it actually becomes enjoyable when you get into the swing of it. Madness, we know.
However, before you get to that point of experiencing a runner’s high, you will have to start at the bottom, which is dreadful. Anyone who has started from this dark place before will recognise a few of these things.
1) It looks pretty cold out there… I’ll just stay in bed for a few minutes longer.
2) Okay, one more episode of It’s Always Sunny and then I’ll go. Swear.
3) I would rather do anything else possible than go running now.
4) I really should have got new running clothes. I’ll treat myself tomorrow.
5) How long is a kilometre? How long do I run? I have no idea how this works.
6) Okay, here we go. Haven’t done this since I was late for the bus that time, hope I still remember how to.
7) Hey, this is kind of easy. What’s so bad about this?
8) Might go a little bit faster now, don’t want people thinking I’m unfit.
9) Wait a minute, I’m doing it. I’M NOT UNFIT!
10) Running isn’t really that bad… I wonder if I’ll run the marathon next year.
11) How long is a marathon anyway? Ah, I’m sure it’d be grand.
12) Does the way I run look weird? Is this normal running?
13) Is it too cheesy to play the ‘Rocky’ music now?
14) Nah, I’m a runner now, that’s what we do? It’s bad-ass.
15) Why am I breathing so heavy?
16) This isn’t feeling as good as it was a few minutes ago?
17) What’s wrong with my lungs? Maybe those smokes outside The Academy the other night weren’t such a good idea?
18) Okay don’t worry, this happens after a while. You’ve been running a whole… SEVEN MINUTES?!
19) Why can’t I run for more than seven minutes?
20) If I was a caveman or something I’d have died out years ago.
21) And now I have a cramp. Bloody brilliant.
22) Don’t get sick, please don’t get sick in public.
23) I’ll just walk for a minute or two, be grand.
24) This is heaven. Walking is great. We don’t give walking enough credit.
25) Oh shit, that’s someone I know. Start running again!
26) Whatever you do, don’t look like you want to curl up into a ball and die…
27) Okay, this has gone on far too long, can I take a shortcut?
28) It’s these runners. They’re clearly useless, I’ll just get new ones. That’ll fix everything.
29) And now I’ve been overtaken by a 40 year old man. So much for being young.
30) Maybe I can catch up wit… No, bad idea.
31) Can this even be classed as running anymore? I’m pretty sure a toddler crawling could go quicker than me at the moment.
32) Actually, crawling doesn’t seem like a terrible idea at the moment. Sounds relaxing.
33) I am sore literally everywhere.
34) Never again. Never again…