Zayn leaves 1D to fight ISIS.

It has been disclosed to this publication that popular boy band member, Zayn Malik, has turned his  back on an empty existence of money and women in order to combat the radical terror group, ISIS.

Niall Horan’s brother, Kevin, who has been part of the band’s entourage since he was fourteen, has revealed the motivation behind Zayn Malik’s departure –

“He was getting a bit bored of the lifestyle to be honest. We were at the Playboy mansion a few weeks ago, the girls were having a mud wrestling tournament like, but his heart just wasn’t in it. He wasn’t doing as much cocaine either, that’s a clear indication of someone who can’t handle the session.”

Zayn had also recently started watching films like ‘Predator’ and ‘Taken’ on repeat, according to the Netflix activity on his Facebook page. He had also posted to Twitter asking for information on weapons training coaches. It’s understood that he had installed a firing range on his private plane. Notorious gossip, Conor McGregor, has come out and said that he overheard Zayn asking Bear Grylls for survival tips during a recent orgy in Beverly Hills.

The other members of One Direction were initially shocked at the decision but have since come around. Niall Horan tweeted the band’s best wishes –

“Wherever you are, Zaynie, our hearts are with you. I just know you’re going to kick arse in the desert. You were born to do it. One love. Peace.”

Hezbollah Captain, Mohammed Al-Fadir, has reportedly welcomed Malik to the front and has instantly promoted him to the rank of Lieutenant, stating –

“There is much benefit from Zayn being here, he has brought a shipment of really good guns for us and he will help with PR. We often have sing alongs around the camp fire so he’ll also be good for that. It was clear even in the live auditions that he was the strongest singer in the group.”

There are no plans for a One Direction tour in the Middle East, so a reunion concert between battles seems unlikely.

Conor McGinnity

Comments

comments

Editor

Oxygen.ie is Fun, Free, Nonsense for Students. As Ireland's number 1 student website our content is fresh and relevant. Its rare you'll find something serious on our page. So, don't take anything here too seriously. This is light-hearted fun with lots of competitions for our followers.

Recommended Articles