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In this crazy technology filled world of ours, it’s easy to forget to take a minute to stop and appreciate the little things in life. Basic mobile phones, or “dumb” phones (because the opposite of smart is dumb, get it?) actually have many advantages over their more technologically gifted counterparts. Just ignore the fact that the reason you’re reading this article is because your smartphone is letting you. Here are 5 reasons you might pick a Nokia 3310 over an iPhone.

People will think you’re a drug dealer

Apparently, drug dealers use basic mobile phones because they’re cheap or something. This would presumably leave them with more moolah to spend on drug dealer things like fur coats and jewellery. Or maybe that’s a pimp. Anyway, this is cool. It makes you edgy.

Mark Zuckerberg can’t see you down the barrel of your basic mobile’s camera

Why? Because it doesn’t have one. Or if it does, it may as well not because it takes photos in exceedingly low resolution.

Think of all the possibilities your smartphone allows

You have a world of knowledge right in your breast pocket (or wherever it is smartphone users keep their device). But ask yourself: what do you actually use it for? That’s right – stalking potential love interests. Not so “smart” if you ask me lol. However, if you have a basic mobile phone, you also have what is nowadays a rare opportunity – the chance to speak and ask out people in real life. This is an increasingly alien concept, we know. However, the feeling of being rejected in person is something you just can’t get with apps like Tinder. Moreover, it is a valuable learning experience. The lesson is of course that you’ll probably die alone, but it’s a learning experience nonetheless, and learning is fun!

Do you like feeling old? Of course you do

People are always saying that they wish they were older. Well if you have a basic mobile phone, you can guarantee that you won’t feel young. As soon as anyone 15 years or under sees your phone, they will make it their life goal to make sure you know that you’re old. They will be astonished at the mere sight of buttons on a phone! “What the hell is that?!” every 10-year-old within a 2-mile radius will shriek. “You’re so oooooold” and “what even is that?” are other cute little sayings you’ll hear.

Remember: everything always goes full circle

One day everyone with a smartphone will eventually go back to your basic call and texting button phone. Why? I’m not sure. But it will. Until then, dumb phone users can sit back and play Snake until the rest of the world joins them.

By James Simcox

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