Student Sues WHO After Lockdown Caused His Longest Dry Spell

A 21-year-old man is seeking legal action against World Health Organisation (WHO) when he realised he hadn’t “got his hole in about a year”.

Daniel Wilde, with an address in Blanchardstown spent an entire night creeping on Instagram and thought “What’s the point? The might be pure riddled in virus. I can’t be thinking about getting me hole. Jaysus, it must be a year since I’ve gotten the ride.”

In his action against WHO, the plaintiff claimed that “not getting me hole has been a traumatising result of the pandemic and a demand satisfaction”.

Mr Wilde told the High Court that “I haven’t even gotten me wear in ages let alone me hole”. Wilde also said that the amount of free time on his hands has lead to an unhealthy relationship with porn and that “it’s not like the real thing, you know?”.

Mr Justice Paul King ruled today that this was an “unfortunate” result of the pandemic and is assessing whether Mr Wilde’s complaints could be attributed to the ubiquitous forms of entertainment we have today.

The case is still pending a full investigation of the incident, while both parties are appealing for witnesses to clarify exactly what happened.

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