Cork County Council announced today that they will let the people decide if they will break away from the Republic of Ireland and become a sovereign nation state. Next January, the rebel county will vote in a referendum that will decide the future of Cork and the rest of the country are delighted at the prospect of shedding the extra weight from the Republic.

After nearly a century, the prospect of a second civil war in Ireland has been quashed when TDs in the Dáil felt it would be in the interest of the human race if Cork went independent. Taoiseach Enda Kenny is delighted at the prospect of losing Cork and making the Republic a 25 county (24 because Leitrim does not count as a county) country. Kenny told reporters that,

“The plan is to let Cork decide on their future. If they vote ‘No’, everything will remain the same as it is now. If they vote ‘Yes’, then we grant them independence immediately and then proceed in quarantining the new nation state in order to ensure the health of the human race.”

Cork residents are delighted at the prospect of being an independent state. One Cork Garda, who wishes to remain anonymous, told us that, “It will be great for the future of the county. We can shut the borders off and just keep true Corkians inside the boundaries. We will eventually be left alone to wallow in our own smugness. If we need fertiliser for the crops, we will just start talking because all we do is talk shit all the time.”

The idea for the decision came from Britain as the Westminster Parliament is trying to get rid of their excess baggage by granting independence to the Scottish.