Oxygen Exclusive: We interview the most famous pigeon in Ireland

So Carl, you’ve recently rose to fame for entering an exam hall and disrupting a Junior cert exam that was taking place, why did you do it?

I taught I’d try and get those poor fuckers out of the exam. I remember my religion exam back in the naughty nineties, a fucking car crash so it was. Religion like?, it’s disgrace that they’re still teaching bleedin subject. It’s the 21st century and kids are still learnin this tripe.

Some people say your move was a selfish act designed to cause havoc and distress for students?

Distress? They were cheerin me on. One little lad asks me if I could make it in for 9 tomorrow for French. They told me I was fuckin legend. If anything I should get a reward.

You don’t think your actions impacted upon the students taking the exam?

I don’t know but I hope so. I don’t wish ill on the students don’t get me wrong but the education system in this country is an absolute joke. It’s all about results, results, results. Nodody cares about substance anymore. All you have to do is know the system and bingo, there’s 600 points. If you aren’t academically inclined there’s nothing for you. This country needs a revamp and if no one else is prepared to take action then I will. Mark my words, it’ll be the Dail next. Bunch of shitebags in there so they are.

The Dail??What are you planning there?

Taps the the rim of his peak with his wing You don’t need to know pal. Lets just say they’ll get whats coming to them.

So would you say you’re quite a political bird?

I’m just trying to stand up for what’s right pal. Us pigeons have been taking shit for years and it’s about time someone did something about it. I’m sick of those little shits chasing us off while we’re just minding or own business in the park. I can’t even remember how many times people have referred to us as ‘rats with wings’. It’s gone too far. I’m not the only one whos at the end of his tether here. There’s a big movement at the moment and there’s a Revolution on the way if nothing is done.

We get the sense you’re not a big fan of humans?

That’s not the case at all. Most humans are perfectly decent folk who’d happily share their sliced panned. Injustice and inequality derives from the government of the country and we need systematic change. There’s plenty of really great humans fighting on our behalf- the homeless one from Home Alone, Michael Keaton in Bird Man and your man from Castleknock who looks exactly like a pigeon.

So do you think there’s a chance humans and pigeons could work alongside eachother

Of course but not with this shower of lunatics. The homeless crisis has spiralled out of control, the health service is a mess and as I said the education system is bonkers. I think the real solution to the problem is free corn and crumbs for everyone, especially pigeons.

Wait, what??

Hoot, Hoot….hoot

Carl??

Hoot……..winks and flies off 

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