Tragedy occurred in UCD when student John Higgins sadly passed away last week while he was deciding what sandwich he should purchase in the SU shop.

The incident occurred around midday when the 21-year-old engineering student decided to take a break from his studies. Witnesses reported John was standing there for about an hour looking at all the sandwiches.

“He would pick one up every now and then and study it, staring intimately at the contents, the B to L to T ratio” one shop assistant reported. After what seemed like forever, the hungry engineer reportedly “faded away into nothingness”.

“Ya it was really weird”, first year Siobhan told us. “I saw it happen ya. I think he was about to choose a ham and cheese but then he had second thoughts. Before he could put it back he was gone”.

Some outspoken critics have blamed the shop for the student’s death, citing the impressive range of sandwiches to choose from as the cause of John’s demise. “You’ve got tuna, bacon and chicken, chicken and stuffing, chicken tikka, chicken salad – the possibilities are almost endless”, one critic said.

Experts have also chimed in: “When you don’t have money to burn, choosing what sandwich to buy can be a big decision! Eating is an escape – an escape from reality, an escape from the stress of college work. If you want to escape, you want to escape somewhere nice. You’re not going to spend your hard earned 15-minute break eating a plain ham sandwich! Unless you’re from Roscommon of course”.

James Simcox