Enda Kenny has today tried to defend his decision to invite Donald Trump to Ireland on an official state visit.
Although many people have seen it as the actions of someone who, while in the process of handing over the reins of government has decided to smear a home-made concoction of butter and human shit onto those reins, Mr. Kenny has tried to claim otherwise.
“Look, I’m sure by now you’ve seen the video of us sitting there,” claimed Mr. Kenny, “It was every bit as awkward as it looks. I was trying to get a bit of conversation going, and he was just sat there, like some large effigy made of smug beef. Honestly, right, I once ran over a neighbour’s cat- accidentally- and tried to hide it before they got home. They pulled into their driveway while I was still trying to prise it from my grille, the ensuing chat their was less awkward than what I just sat through. I just invited him over ‘cos I’d nothing else to say, I honestly didn’t expect him to take me up on it.”
Mr. Trump, when asked about when he would be making his visit to Ireland threw out his arms and made a noise as if to imitate a plane. An aide rushed in to dab away the pasta sauce which had dribbled down his chin.
The two most prominent Fine Gael politicians rumoured to be in line to succeed the Taoiseach, Leo Varadkar and Simon Coveney, learned of the invitation last night. It has been reported that they cradled one another through the night in a vain attempt to find solace in the comfort of human compassion.