A category four hurricane is set to ravage Donnybrook and surrounding areas in Dublin 4 following Bryan Dobson’s last broadcast on the RTÉ Six One News tonight.
Met Eireann have reported that Hurricane ‘Dobbo’ will bring winds of up to 130 mph, widespread drunken disorder and a shortage of Sauvignon Blanc to the Dublin 4 area.
Anonymous RTÉ officials have told Oxygen.ie that the hurricane, forecasted due to the arrangement of a large party in commemoration of Dobson’s last show is a “grave danger” to local residents.
Members of the public have been urged to stay indoors, not make any unnecessary journeys and to not approach any feral RTÉ news readers between the hours of 7pm and 7am.
People have also been asked to report any sightings of Mr. Dobson, Sharon Ní Bheoláin, Marty Whelan amongst other senior RTÉ personalities to their nearest Garda station.
A senior staff member from RTÉ told Oxygen.ie that RTÉ Studios had taken adequate preparations in advance of the storm.
“We’ve ordered 500 kebab trays, we’ve seventeen years worth of Fair City on the DVR and close to 750 litres of Sauvignon Blanc,” the unnamed source said.
When questioned if the broadcaster were recklessly spending public funds in advance of Hurricane Dobbo, they replied: “Sure who do you think I am, Gerry Adams?”.
“€30 for a bottle of wine? Did he ever step foot into the Lidl over in Terenure? €5 each!”
Bryan Dobson, anchorman of the Six One News since 1996, announced he would be retiring from the program this year amidst rumours of a multi-million dollar deal to Fox News in an effort to ‘sort things out over there’.
This would be prove to be false though, as Dobson will now move to RTE Radio One’s flagship show ‘Morning Ireland’ in a deal estimated to cost the taxpayer €58 million over the next five years.
The newsreader was unavailable for comment throughout the day, but was sighted in a nearby off-license in Donnybrook purchasing 8 bottles of Glen’s vodka, onlookers said.