7 Disgraceful Things Every College Student Does

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1. Stealing Things From Bars

Where do you even buy these? Nah don’t actually answer because then I will know and no longer be ignorant to the fact I could go online and purchase this, when I fully intend to polish it off in a bathroom stall and put it in my bag. Free soap!

Free pint glasses? Grand, I can be classy instead of drinking from a can now at pres! It’s fiiiiine bars like this always buy way more glasses than they need because people steal them all the time. It’s like part of the overhead or whatever.

2. Stealing Street Signs

*while up on some lads shoulders with a hammer* Listen, you pay taxes don’t you? Okay so it’s technically not even stealing – our money paid for these street signs. Plus our 6 bedroom flat NEEDS this Grangegorman Lower sign to accompany our traffic cone.

3. Stealing Things Online

Lads don’t waste your time going to the SU’s screening of  The Conjuring tonight. I’ve already got it as well as 30,000 other movies to choose from on this virus-infested website. Sure who needs to go to the cinema? It’s cheaper and I don’t have to get out of bed. 

4. Sneaking into someone else’s accommodation

Yeah man we’re all planning to sneak into Conor’s place after Diceys. We will have to climb the fence when security isn’t looking. It is our right as undergrads to get the fuck in there. We’re going to have a mad after party, bring everyone.

5. Doing Just Kind Of Anything You Want On Campus

Relax, you’re acting like they’re gonna like arrest us or something for jumping off the roof of our a mountain of mattresses. I heard Campus Security isn’t even allowed to detain you or anything they’re not Guards. We pay enough to go to this college, what we decide to do is up to us.

6. Destruction of College Property

*drunk as shit, on the GAA field with three other people at 2am* Ah here let’s tear this goal post down.

7. (After Just Watching Fight Club) Total Anarchy

“We’re the middle children of history, man. No purpose or place. We have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our Great War’s a spiritual war…our Great Depression is our lives. We’ve all been raised on television to believe that one day we’d all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won’t. And we’re slowly learning that fact. And we’re very, very pissed off.”

By Aoife Crilly

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