Being sick, whether it be the flu, a stomach bug, or a toothache, is by far one of the most awful, disgusting and, if you’re a man, world shattering things that can happen to anyone. While being a horrible pain in the ass, being sick, I have found, is a time of great inward reflection and also, outward observation. Being sick gives you the time to actually sit down and notice things around you and about your own body that you wouldn’t notice on any other given day when you can breathe out of both of your nostrils. So, I’ve bravely compiled a list of things I’ve noticed while indisposed.

1) The Whisper Factor:

For whatever reason, if someone has come down with any kind of ailment, even be a sore toe, the people around them start to speak at a decibel that only worms can hear. If someone has a headache, then yes, I understand the drastic decrease of volume, but seriously, I have a cough and a runny nose, my ears are fine!

2) Your Body Is An Ouchy-Land:

“My head! The paracetamol did nothing!”

I have found that no matter what ailment you have, the entirety of your body feels strange. At the beginning of a cold, you begin to notice that the skin behind your left knee pulses when you touch your nose, or your right butt cheek reacts differently to stimuli than it would when you didn’t have a headache. I have never wanted to go back and actually pay attention to my connective biology class more than when I’m in bed dying of a stomach flu. It’s a weird one.

3) You Are Disgusting:

No matter how self-loathing and critical you are of your own appearance on a normal day, your ‘ugh’ factor goes through the roof when you’re sick. On a normal day you walk by a mirror or a particularly clean window and think, hey, I look alright today. Gaze upon me world, I have made an effort to look presentable. On a sick day, you shuffle past a slightly shiny surface and notice a half human, half slug hybrid staring back at you, wearing your dressing gown and looking miserable. It’s just the way the game is played. Accept the fact that you have fat elbows and pores the size of the Grand Canyon and move on.

4) TV Will Betray You:

No you’re not Chandler, you are at present an annoying man who looks like he’s recently fellated a smurf.

The best parts about being sick when you were a kid was being able to stay at home and watch TV all day and snuggle under a warm blanket. As a semi-adult, when you’re sick, usually you’re too tired/sore/miserable to actually be able to enjoy TV. The tinned laughter of favourite 90’s sitcom becomes predictable and annoying, the murder mystery cast you once loved now becomes obvious and the cast are upsetting to look at. The only thing that is reasonably okay is a sad, weepy movie because when a character cries, you can imagine they are crying for you because they understand your pain. It really helps actually.

5) People Are Trash:

Maybe it’s just the people I surround myself with, but whenever I’m sick, I find people are sympathetic for all of five minutes and after that, the novelty of your life-ending migraine wears off, and the inevitable “suck it up” comes into play. No one understands how much you’re suffering, and when you get better, you make an inward vow to destroy them. It’s what happens, don’t deny it, you liar.

-Bonus Point-

You can hear yourself swallow. How freaking weird is that!

Ava Hollingsworth

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