After a week that has brought the nation to a halt, Twink’s beloved Teddy has been returned to her safe and sound. The search for Teddy, her Yorkshire Terrior who was snapped up by a kidnapper last weekend, saw a large investigation take place from the high ranks of the Gardaí to the armed forces. Luckily, Teddy was discovered in a Tallaght house yesterday eating out of a McDonald’s Big Mac box.

The outcry for support of Twink during this tremulous time, begs the question of why should we give a shit? The average punter out there cannot really say what Twink does that makes her a celebrity. Her status of being the butt of Dustin the Turkey’s crude jokes has not been popular since Take That broke up for the first time.

Twink came into the offices this week to talk to us about the ordeal that she has been put through and the future of her career,

“If you look into my eyes long enough, you will see that I have no soul. It’s surprising to me that this obstacle has not hindered my position in the public community. Teddy didn’t really get kidnapped; I just threw him out the window one morning when I had enough of his judgemental demeanour. He kept whispering obscenities and I couldn’t handle it anymore. While Teddy was missing I was really searching for my career.”

The Gardaí refused to comment on the whereabouts of Twink’s career.