Stage 1: Tanning
Now lads won’t understand this one fully but tanning is an essential part of a Dublin girlos night out a minimum hour-long event that occurs at least two days before she hits the town.
Once you’ve removed every inch of hair from your pale Irish legs and pulled more positions than an Olympic gymnast, it’s time to put on that gross looking tanning mitt we’ve never washed before somehow managing to transform ourselves into bronzed goddesses. Sometimes we miss a few spots and end up looking like this…
Stage 2: Choosing what to wear
Now this stage can vary from “it only took me 5 minutes to throw this together because I pre drank way too hard and can barely see straight” or “I’ve been raiding my wardrobe for the past two days to find the right balance between revealing too much skin and just enough to successfully pull by 3am”. Always go for legs out girls because why else did we paint ourselves orange?
Stage 3: Predrinks
Now predrinking can go one of many ways. either you and the girlos are super organised and are all successfully sipping frozen cocktails at 10 waiting for the taxi to arrive or the more realistic scenario of everyone being way too drunk, too early.
You’re running dead late because your boss made you stay back and sweep the floor again so you’re predrinking alone with half a dress on and your €6 SoSueMe Penneys lashes falling off already. Not the ideal look for a night of hopefully pulling every man in sight.
There is also the other much more likely occasion where you and the girls are swiping away on tinder hoping for a super like, knocking back naggins with 1D blasting away in the background as the taxi arrives at 1am.
Stage 4: The club
Personally if you want to call yourself a Dublin girlo the only place you need to make sure you’re stumbling into in your best Korkys heels and misguided dress is Coppers. You get in by holding your breath as you pass the bouncer so he doesn’t smell the cheap Aldi vodka you’ve just knocked back in the taxi 2 minutes ago and work your way through the crowd the crowd to the infamous shifting pillar.
Before the night is out though, a bathroom trip must be made. This is where confidence is built as girls in their Penneys best compliment you and share lipstick as well as having a cry over boys. But beware there’s a steep enough ramp into the ladies downstairs girlos. Many a drunken stumble has occurred there only to be caught by a bathroom attendant who wants €2 for performing such an act. Then we head back out to continue our dancing…
Stage 5: Food
The shivering stumble to Mc Donald’s on Grafton street at 4am can be seen as a girlos reward their Olympic medal of sorts for successfully escaping from that 5/10 lad who’s been buying her drinks all night and not having to trade numbers for it. Once you elbow through the crowd, those chicken nuggets (a personal favourite of mine), sober you up just enough to allow you to direct the least suspicious taxi man of the night, out of a fairly dodgy looking bunch to just far enough from your house that he doesn’t know where you live, because a girlo can never be too careful.
Congratulations, you have made it through the stages of a Dublin girlos night out. Now hit the bed and try not to vomit.