“You’ll have one more.” they said. “Be grand,” they said.
Many of us students are trapped in a never ending cycle that goes something like drink too much, get hungover, utter “I’m never drinking again,” have just ‘the one’ and then repeat the whole cycle.
Of course we should always drink responsibly, but we all know that we are going to occasionally indulge in a drink too many, which leads us to the dreaded hangover.
Hangovers, to be blunt, are shite. What kind of cruel God would dare punish us like this, forcing us to borrow happiness from the next day to take part in this activity.
Fear not though; Oxygen.ie have compiled a list of the ultimate, fool-proof, totally reliable tips to help you survive those regret-filled 24 hours.
Please note: Oxygen.ie does not take any responsibility for any pain, emotional distress or vomiting that results from readers following any of these pieces of ‘advice’.
Mix Your Drinks
Mixing your drinks gives you a worse hangover? Pfft, such a myth.
Our top scientists have concluded through hundreds of hours of research and experimentation that a good mixture of beer, wine, cocktails and spirits is really the only way to help you for the following.
Your body is a lot like an actual person: if you keep attacking it with the same thing over and over again, it’ll cop on pretty quickly and punish you the next morning.
This fool-proof roulette of drinks keeps your body guessing, meaning that when it all mixes around in your body throughout the night, you’re hangover will certainly tamer. Probably.
Don’t Fill Your Stomach With Food
The concept of soakage is a bit daft, is it not?
Think about the feeling you have when you eat too much food and overfill your stomach; why do we want this alongside a hangover?
As tempting as that hearty meal before your first sip or the post-nightclub kebab might be, all your doing is making your body do extra work!
There will be time to eat tomorrow! Focus on the task at hand; drinking. Don’t complicate things with these delicacies and it’ll go a long way towards the next morning.
Forget About All Of Your Responsibilities
Okay, let’s assume for the sake of argument that you didn’t follow these pieces of advice and have woken up a bit tender; well done.
Unfortunately, just like your head when it leaves your pillow, the world will keep spinning and all of life’s responsibilities will still be there.
How do we suggest you deal with these when a hangover strikes; you don’t.
Work, social events and funerals should all be pushed to one side when you are in such a condition. Do you really care about losing your job with a throbbing headache or a mouth as dry as the Sahara?
Why do today what you can put off until tomorrow: the mantra of hungover people around the world.
Go To The Gym
This is an alternative that we also highly recommend, as they do say that light exercise can help ease the effects of a hangover.
However, we don’t want to simply ease this beast. We stare at the beast and shout ‘HANGOVER, BE GONE!’.
Therefore, if light exercise eases a hangover, we fully believe that a no-nonsense, high intensity gym session will kill it completely.
It’s all mental; the thought of even crawling on a treadmill might make you feel sick at first but if you power through it, you’ll forget all about it and the crippling fear of the night before.
Text Your Ex
It’s common knowledge that texting your former loved one has never lead to bad consequences, so it’s only obvious that it should be on your to-do list here.
All you want is a cuddle, someone to help you with the pain and sickness; sure why wouldn’t they come over and help you in your time of need?
Yes, it might have been six months since you last saw them, and they were pretty adamant about the whole ‘I never want to see you again’ thing, but maybe they were just joking?
It’s a hangover, they’ll understand. And sure who could resist you when you’re at your finest, dry heaving over the bed looking like an extra from the Thriller video?
We don’t like to throw the phrase ‘guaranteed to work’ around lightly, but this is guaranteed to work ten times out of ten.
Hair-of-the-dog gets a bit of a bad press, but it might be the most effective thing on this list when it comes to killing a hangover.
It’s fighting fire with fire, the best defense is offence; you can’t be hungover when you’re drunk.
The first sip might be worse than an ‘I’m A Celebrity’ cocktail, but once you get that down you’ll remember the reason why you’re in this state in the first place; alcohol is lovely.
At the end of the day, you can never get hungover if you never sober up and while we at Oxygen.ie would never promote or condone alcoholism, is it really worse than being hungover?
We’ll leave that question up to you.
Okay, maaaaybbbbeee you’ve tried all of the above and you’re still a little seedy… or just on the verge of death.
Just forget about it all and cry. Let it all out. Open up the floodgates and unleash a river of tears.
Let’s face it, it’s 4pm now, your stomach feels like a bottomless pit and you’re genuinely concerned that your head might explode; what else is there to do.
Lie in bed and cry like the shell of a person you are. Paracetemol, Lucozade and chicken fillet rolls are all useless and facile. You’re doomed to being hungover forever.
Vow You’re Never Drinking Again
You could try this, insist that you’re turning a leaf and you’re going to live a cleaner, healthier life.
If you’re a filthy liar.
Otherwise, we’ll see ye in the pub next weekend!