Childbirth is meant to be one of the most excruciating things that a human will experience in their lifetime, coming second only to being kicked in the balls. At least that’s what women tell us. We have no way of verifying this, so we’ll just have to take their word for it for now.
Durrell Wildlife Conservation Trust in Jersey (one of those small islands in the English Channel, not where Snooki lives) captured an orangutan birth on tape (do people still say that) for the first time ever. While the video is amazing for a whole myriad of reasons, what caught my eye was how difficult the labour was. Or, to put it more accurately, how labour for orangutans is literally the easiest thing that any living thing has ever done in the history of forever. The mother, Dana, pretty much just takes the baby out and that’s that. Birth over.
I guess it’s good that orangutans have such easy births, since few of them have very comprehensive healthcare. Just makes me feel sorry for human women is all.
The best part of the video is definitely the parents’ reactions: dad is outside screaming his lungs out to let everyone know about the new arrival, while Dana brings her new baby over to the glass to show the keepers.
The worst part would have to be when the mommy ape starts eating the amniotic sack. Like, I know you’re an ape and everything, but come on. Ew.
To watch the first ever orangutan birth caught on tape, check out the video above. Be warned though, it’s kinda gross. On the flipside, there’s a bit of ape-boob at the end. I never know what straight guys are into, but boobs seems like an obvious choice.