Ben Haenow had his inevitable fall into obscurity receive an early push by failing to even get his only debut single to No. 1 in Ireland. The musical equivalent of brussel sprouts, X Factor’s position at No. 1 at Christmas has become an annual tradition, regardless of how awful it is. However, Haenow’s serenade of shitness has proved too much to wash the brains of X Factor fans, who have chosen to put Bruno Mars’ and Mark Ronson’s Uptown Funk as their Christmas No. 1. And what lovely tune that is.

The UK music-merchants were happy to grant Mr. Haenow his 12 days of fame however, despite a stiff late surge from one of the hottest acts on the scene at the moment…

The process has begun in earnest with the Simon Cowell camp to put Ben Haenow down as gently as possible, with the “panto-parachute” being the most likely method of prolonging his career before he gets back in his van.