Summer exams are fast approaching, and if exam insanity hasn’t hit you already you can guarantee that you will soon be subject to a dose of the end-of-year crazies ANY DAY NOW. Energy drink sales are at an all-time high, and every local newsagent is sold out of highlighters. Obviously, every student will deal with stress in their own way, but here are five types of people you will most definitely meet come exam season.
The Super Chill One
We all have that one friend that just seems to naturally have their shit together. Mountains of coursework and impending tests do not faze them because they have been managing their workload sufficiently since the start of semester. (Who DOES that?) They are a mecca of cool in a sea of anxiety, as they kick back knowing they have done enough during the year to cover their butts.
How to spot: They seem relatively well-rested compared to the rest of the student population, and have well-structured study schedules and strategically timed breaks.
The Super Anal One
Similar to Super Chill, the Super Anal One has also been keeping on top of their work throughout the semester. But their dedication to study meant sacrificing their social life for the last two months, and you haven’t been to the pub with them since they vomited in their handbag on Stephens’ Night. They are convinced that what they haven’t done is enough, even though everyone knows they are BEYOND PREPARED. All they want to do is chat about Question 6 post-exam, when all you want to do is forget that Question 6 ever happened. Perhaps best to steer clear of TSAO until exams are over…
How to spot: They’ll be popping Xanax in a lone corner of the computer labs, violently repeating algorithms whilst rocking from side to side.
The Slacker
The traits of The Slacker are very common amongst students. They have been doing the minimum amount of work to get by since they set foot in college, but have somehow managed to get through the years unscathed. Cramming is their middle name, and they are often a constant fixture in the library before tests begin. All-nighters become second nature to them during exam season, as they desperately try to learn off 12 weeks of Law notes in 16 hours.
How to spot: Huddled over a mound of notes in the library, armed with a bunch of bananas and a six pack of RedBull. Possibly unwashed and definitely sleep deprived.
The Phantom
There’s always that one name read out during the class roll-call that nobody can put a face to. They haven’t shown up to a single lecture, and are somewhat of an enigma and legend among their college peers. The only time they will ever rear their mysterious head is during exam time (when it is absolutely vital they show up), and they will disappear back into the shadows as soon as the time is up.
How to spot: You will never spot them. They are too elusive and mysterious.
The Super Anal One Who Lies About Being Super Anal
AKA, THE MOST ANNOYING HUMAN ON THE PLANET. There is absolutely nothing more irritating than having to listen to your uber-smart and impeccably organised classmate moan about ‘how they are going to fail’. Especially when you are already feeling guilty enough for binge-watching Game of Thrones, and social media stalking your ex’s ex until 3AM instead of studying. You don’t want to hear their faux-stress bullshit, when you know FOR A FACT they’ll be raking in the firsts when results come out.
How to spot: Hiding behind a fort made of books to disguise the fact that they are on Tinder instead of studying BECAUSE THEY KNOW THEY WILL BE GRAND.