So we can all pretty much agree that, while democracy was a nice idea in theory, it just isn’t working out. Democracy is what gave the world Brexit and President Trump, and it looks like the French still haven’t learned anything, with Marine Le Pen topping the polls. And before the Irish start getting smug, just take a look at Enda Kenny, clawing on to power like a kid begging for one more episode before bedtime. How do these clowns get the power to control entire countries? Democracy, that’s how.

Winston Churchill once said, “Democracy is the worst form of government, except for all the others”, but then again, he was a democratic leader himself, so we’re hardly going to take his word for it. Maybe the alternatives have just gotten a bad rap? Like what was so bad about communism, when you think about it? Free stuff for everyone sounds pretty cool!

Sure, Stalin lost the plot a little with the Gulags and murders and stuff, but just because one guy messes up, it shouldn’t ruin things for everyone else. Like you never hear the Chinese complaining, do you? Admittedly, that’s probably because their government doesn’t allow them to access the internet… but hey, at least they’re spared hearing Donald Trump’s tweets! Though most communist countries stop their citizens from leaving the country, which would leave us Irish stuck in the rain all summer – so maybe not the best choice.

And what about a good old-fashioned military coup? Once these politicians get in power, they never want to leave (refer back to “Enda Kenny”), so the only way to smoke them out is by force. After that, it’s survival of the fittest, “Viva la revolución” and all that craic, sure how bad? I’m pretty sure it’s happened a few times around the world, just give me a sec to Google “military coup” … urgh, boring long articles, I’ll click over to Images… Oh, hang on, it’s not looking good… Right then, let’s move on to something else!

Actually, you know what, screw organised government, let’s all just go for full anarchy – tear down the establishment, burn the rulebook, and let every man fight for himself! Okay, there’ll probably be tons of crime sprees and lootings at first, but if it gets really bad, a bunch of us can just band together to form a protective, police-force kind of thing. While we’re at it, we can team up for other things like schools, ‘cause I’ll be fecked if I’m going to teach my kids algebra between scavenging for food and building a winter shelter. Maybe some roads would be handy, and hospitals… though if all this get too complicated to organise, we can pick a few people to sort that stuff out, possibly through some kind of voting system. That’ll be way better than democracy, right?

Orla Keaveney