Unemployed make it their job to save the Pub

The country’s unemployed are banding together this week to save an integral part of our national heritage. The long, illustrious history of the Irish pub has been under threat for some time now, with much of the public becoming disillusioned with the soaring price of a pint when compared to a trip down to the off-licence.

Yesterday a north-side Dublin pub set a promotion announcing cut-price booze for people collecting their social welfare checks, titled Welfare Wednesday.

It’s hoped that this will salvage some business for an ailing trade, which has seen pubs close across the country on a weekly basis for the past decade.

The pub owner in question has identified the midweek afternoons as the key time in which to do business, and with many people pre-occupied with jobs during that time, they are instead looking to the only group that can help.

“We’re making it our business” said one member. “This morning, we’re up first thing, I’m getting that fat cheque and then I’ve got some pubs to save.”

It is feared that the celebrated Weekend Warriors of the country are no longer bringing enough to the table in terms of sustenance for the pub trade, with students now preferring the off license to the pub in search of value for money. This leaves the unemployed as the only viable source of business during those long, cold Wednesday afternoons.

“This is our last hurrah” the pub owner said. “With Wetherspoons coming in to hoover everything up, we need to make sure we take everything we can get while we can.”

The scattergun approach has sparked outrage in the media, but an unemployed solicitor has stated “We’re going to the pub so the people with jobs don’t have to. You can’t have pubs without unemployment. We feed each other.”

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