Donald Trump has lost the election to continue his term as President of the United States of America. He has claimed that the election was rigged and as a result he is fulfilling his promise to ‘not go quietly’ by preparing himself to be encased in a brass statue.

‘You are a fool, Joe Biden. A FOOL. If I lose this election I will become more powerful than you can imagine.’ Journalists at a press conference last week implored the former President to elaborate on these threats. Their curiosities were resolved this week when Trump made the announcement that he is to be immortalised in the Oval Office.

Trump explained this morning how he would carry out the procedure. ‘Big statue. BIG. I want to be lowered into the piping hot metal like a baby being lowered into a Winter bath. But I have to be careful, If I don’t hold my pose it’ll look stupid.’

‘The pose?’ a voice from the back asked. ‘The pose!’ Trump replied. ‘I’ll be smiling and waving like this.’ The room erupted in laughter but the former President just crossed his arms and pouted, ‘laugh all you want. The only thing I’ll hear are my screams.’

Trump was without a doubt furious that he lost to his opponent, the now 46th President of the United States, Joe Biden. When asked about his thoughts on Trump’s upcoming stunt Biden simply smiled and said ‘Heh heh. I’m Irish.’

Trump’s progression towards death in the statue will not be comfortable. The lack of air holes means he’ll be trapped inside with his own stench. That’s bad breath for an eternity!

Bad breath is never good, especially if you’re trying to make a good first impression.

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