When facing off with something that is academically strenuous, the first thing you need to do is set yourself up properly. We at oxygen always endeavour to make your life easier, so we have complied an eight-step guide to success. To write and submit a good thesis, these are the things you simply must do.
1.The Put off
Don’t stress about it. You have soooo much time to get this thing done. Your readings aren’t that long, you’re well on top of everything you have to do this semester and you should definitely just go for a night out in Coppers. Oh, did I not mention its April and you haven’t started yet? Yep, that’s how it happens.
2. Come up with an idea.
It may seem like an obvious step but its deceptively difficult. From experience, I’ve gotten half way through a thesis before without having the faintest clue what it was about. Don’t be like me children! Figure out what you’re doing before you start!
3. Schedule in weeping breaks.
You don’t so much need to schedule these, they more so just happen. Sometimes they take you by surprise. I was once in a McDonalds stress eating over how to make it look like I wasn’t just making up quotes about the Bronte sister, and the floods just began. They are sneaky that way. On the upside, I did get a nice stranger hug but that’s a different story.
4. Snacking is essential.
If you don’t gain at least a stone from stress eating / excessive snacking you’re doing something wrong.
5. Send the inappropriate email
You get into the habit of emailing your advisor as your thesis progresses, but there comes to a point when you catch yourself just emailing them for fun. For example, a classmate of mine once started an email to one of his advisors with, and I kid you not, “Yo Chief, what’s happening?”. You may judge, but you are looking at your future.
6. The stressed Netflix
Breaks are a given, but you know you’re working on a thesis if even as your watching Netflix, you’re stressing about not doing work. Even though you know in your heart and soul you have no intention of doing anything. It’s a vicious cycle that can cripple the steeliest of minds.
7. Chancing the arm
You’ll quickly realise that you really shouldn’t have left it all to the last minute and that there is a lot more work that you have left to do. Your due date is looming and the only option in sight is to beg for an extension. Use whatever you have at your disposal. Dead hamster, torn retina, debilitating 72 hour disease that causes a lose of brain function. Whatever you can come up with flog it!
8. Submit and pray
The day has come. You’ve just submitted your thesis. There will be a mixture of pride and despair. Even if you’re not religious you will pray to whoever you can think of the get a pass on this damn paper. In a particularly low moment I prayed to Tom Cruise, you know, hoping he had some sway with the aliens. Low and behold, it worked.
So there you have it. A step by step guide to writing and submitting your thesis. It’s a messy business but someone’s got to do it. Scratch that, not someone, you. You must do it. So stop reading this and go and get shit done you filthy animal.