The festive season is in full swing now as all the pubs and clubs are hopping with excitement around the nation.  This is a time for community and togetherness. However, for some, it is a time of forced companionship which means a plethora of turgid conversations with people you do not parlez with at any other time of the year.

If the seemingly social scene of Christmas is not for you, we offer you an alternative to the year’s festivities with an activity that will suit your attitude of despair.

There are a number of activities you can partake in that does not require the physical interaction with another human being during a time of goodwill. Kicking the neighbour’s cat up the arse in the middle of the night is one, but we do not condone the cruelty of animals because only a dipshit would do that.

In a more harmless way to get kicks out of embracing the dark side, why not log onto Facebook and start trolling the Humans of New York Facebook page? This can be a perfect way for you to exercise your morose inclinations from the safety and comfort of your laptop. The page is an epicentre of positive thinking and hope for humanity, a perfect place for a person like you who sees the world as it is, to go out and cause mayhem.

The trick for the perfect troll is to keep refreshing your homepage. It is important that you are one of the first to comment on a nice photograph/story so you can be in a prominent position to annoy as many people as possible.

It is best to have some comments ready to dispense at a moment’s notice. Stuff like, “The Simpsons did it”, “I don’t care what she said because she’s hot”, and, “[insert spelling/grammar correction here]”. These are a sure fire way to get your dickish tendencies heard on a mass scale.