Minister for Health, Stephen Donnelly announced today that all recipients of the Covid-19 vaccine will receive a free creamy pint with their first dosage.

‘Yes that’s right! A creamy scoop for all!’ said the Minister. ‘We’re big fans of right-wing politics here at Fianna Fail so we wanted to look back into the past on health advice ideas to encourage people to take the vaccine. When looking back we remembered how blood donors were encouraged to drink a pint of Guinness after donating blood because of the Guinness’s supposed high iron content. We thought we’d bring a similar idea back into the fold.’

A journalist from the back of the press conference interrogated Donnelly’s reasons behind including a free pint with every jab. Donnelly was asked ‘Minister, would it be right to encourage people to celebrate so early like this? Are we even close 85% herd immunity yet? The public might think you’re doing this for votes.’ ‘What’s that? Who said that?’ said Donnelly hastily. ‘It’s one of those Sinn Fein spies isn’t it!?’

Donnelly never mentioned what brand of cream would be distributed with every vaccine. It’s hoped to be something along the lines of Guinness or Beamish but it’s hard to tell. Updates to follow.

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