Results day is a very stressful day. Everyone knows this.  You wake up for the twentieth time that night, realise its only 7am and try go back to sleep. You wake up again to your mother telling you that “as long as you did your best you’ll be fine”, and “you did put other courses on your CAO, right?”. Then of course, you eventually get the  results you’ve been having stress-inducing dreams over for the past month, while trying not to look your maths teacher in the eye. But after  results day, naturally comes  results night. A night where you drink a lot of alcohol, or if you’re under 18, you hide the fact that you are drinking a lot of alcohol illegally by using your cousin’s friend’s brother’s ID that sort of looks like you. That’s fine. You deserve that alcohol. You got your results. You need to celebrate, or drown those sorrows. Drinking is fine, but there are few things you don’t need to do on result’s night.

Don’t talk about the results.

Treat the nightclub as fight club. Do not talk about why you are there. This night should be about fun with your friends. No need to  bring it down with talking about the real reason  you’re there; the results. Unless of course people are comfortable with it, then work away. Tell them how you managed to pass Higher Level Maths after failing all year, or recite that English Paper that you’re sure got you that A. Just be mindful that some people are not as brilliant as you, and may be a bit disappointed with their results, so they don’t need someone  going on about how the examiner marked the English paper. Have a bit of cop-on, and shut up.


Or the Business Paper.

Don’t stay at home.

Even if you are one of the unfortunates that didn’t get what they were hoping for, don’t just stay at home. A maudlin state will not do any good. Go out and try have fun. Deal with the disappointment tomorrow, and do something that evening to mark the occasion. Even if it is watching Arrested Development for the fifth time that year.

Don’t murder someone.

This should be applied for most nights. But if  Fiona, who swears she do a thing for the exams, starts going on about how “she didn’t think she’d get that 6th A1”, and “is surprised that you didn’t get an A in Irish”, Just bite your tongue and clench your fists. There is no need for bloodshed tonight. Let her college classmates handle that in a few weeks.


Don’t not have fun.

It’s not the best way of phrasing it but you have to keep consistency on a list like this. It’s called a motif, alright? If you go out and reflect about your results with unhappiness you will not have a good night. Trust me. Thursday onwards can be spent worrying and deciding what to do. But Wednesday, today, is the day to forget about the worry, celebrate the fact that you managed to get your results,  and have fun. Don’t waste the day because you didn’t get the amount of points or grade you wanted. As Noah and The Whale says, in five years’ time, the results mean feck all anyway. Enjoy the night.

Luke Spencer.