Dear Eli, I have a week to get my life in order and re-enter the world. I want to treat it as a start of a new era for me, but how do I do it as best I can? – Chloe
You’ve come to the right place, because like any columnist who uses pseudonyms on a daily basis, I know something about reinvention and I just so happen to have a few tips to share for your reintroduction to society on June 29th.
First off, with quarantine restrictions being lifted further, you’ve no doubt had a lot of time to reflect (either willingly or unwillingly), so you most likely have a fair idea of what kind of aesthetic or version of yourself you want to present to the world. However, it is important to acknowledge and let people know you’re acknowledging what influenced this change. What better way to do that, than by stocking up on quarantine-related bric-a-brac? Live, Laugh, Lockdown throw pills will be in fashion right up until that second wave hits due to hastily removed self-isolating procedures, and you better be ahead of that curve.
While you’re at Penney’s, consider stocking up on the bare essentials. Trips to the cinema and theatre will become a common occurrence in the month of July and precision to detail is of the utmost importance to any ensemble. You want a look that tells the world, ‘yes, I’m aware I’ve incorporated my bed duvet into my daily wardrobe and I’m not so subtly nodding to that to let you know, that deep down I’m just like you” but also make it couture. How you find that ratio is up to you, but a good place to start is building around the PPE you already own and regularly sanitise.
Hat season will be brought forward to coincide with the Phase 4 of the Irish roadmap, this is due to the reduction of hair dye and to conceal the botched job your brother did to your hair in the height of your despair.
Some things about this new world will not be so different, if you are financially better off, you can afford the counterintuitive or “really stupid if you think about it” price hikes from certain hairdressers waiting to reopen. So if you fall into this category, please consider abstaining from purchasing a hat, as there are those that are in more need of them at this time.
In the old world, we looked to the prophet Coco Chanel to impart wisdom such as “Before you leave the house, look in the mirror and take at least one thing off.” In this new world, you should look to the new prophets, like the drag artist Bob the Drag Queen, and ask yourself “But is it fashion?”