Tired of climate change? Extreme weather too much for you? Maybe you need to take advantage of the incoming apocalypse! 

Underwater properties for sale are on the rise, much like sea levels. Following advice of mainstream conservatives, seaside housing that has been taken back by the ocean are being listed as for sale, real estate agents advertising them as “holiday homes for the bravest of individuals’. 

Along with this recent developments, has been the wildest discovery of the 21st century, an underwater utopia. Located deep off of Kerry waters, the revelation was made when an underwater house viewing went awry.  

Irish marine-biologist Fred Hughes spoke to The Spanner about this utopian landmark. “It’s a whole city, buildings made out or coral, granite and other such hard-wearing materials.” 

Abandoned, many questions had arisen about the history of the city. Some scientists have speculated that it related to the myth of the lost city of Atlantis, apparently, no longer a myth. 

“This means a possible future for the human race, even despite the climate crisis. If some unknown species could create a viable society under the ocean, then it is possible we may be able to as well.” 

Following the discovery, prices for underwater abodes have skyrocketed, some costing a mighty €2 billion euros. Mr. Hughes condemned the individuals looking to make big profit off of the properties: “If this is indeed the only future available to us, we need to work together as one to make it possible, this means condemning people who are taking advantage of the situation.” 

However, real-estate agent Tom Sallins, disagrees. “People must pay for their belongings, if an individual wants an underwater house, then they must pay for it. The cost comes with the interest and the relative safety of a future beneath the waves.” 

Unfortunately for the majority population, the Kerry coastal city has been purchased by an anonymous billionaire, leaving very little availability elsewhere on the coast for people looking to relocate to the sea. 

“If Mr. Hughes really believes that these properties of the future should be available for prices that could be considered reasonable for lay people, I suggest he lobby the Government for purpose-built underwater housing.”  

Mr. Hughes has since discovered that the Government have relocated to the underwater Kerry city, without internet. Thus, the country is now headed for a state of chaos. 

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