By Sarah Murnane
So ladies and gentlemen I meet you all here again at one of the strangest times of year for breakups. While this is technically ‘cuffing’ season, where couples spontaneously appear around every corner, it is also known for an increased level of dramatic breakups. I have a few theories on why this might be.
The first is absolutely the timing issue; you cannot break up with someone too close to Christmas or major holidays. Not only have people bought presents, arrangements are made, it also heightens the chances of the dumper being seen as a colossal idiot. You can’t dump someone a week before Christmas, it is simply inhumane. The second problem is the New Year’s deadline. Around this time of year the general populace likes to delude themselves into thinking that they can rework their lives and personalities into being more interesting and better the minute the clock strikes midnight on New Years Eve. People have realisations that they are unhappy with their lives, and in those tense moments the easiest thing to do appears to be breaking up with your partner. Finally, and most predictably, the spring or summer romance tends to be coming to a natural end by this time of year which pushes up breakup numbers exponentially.
There is never anything particularly new or interesting to say to someone who has been broken up with. We all know the routine: one month of feeling awful and crying all the time, a few months of feeling a bit better but still depressed, and around month five you start to feel slightly normal again. Telling someone that their partner was awful or that you never liked them is generally ill advised, as what do you really know about someone else’s relationship? I do not believe there is any advice you can really give someone that has been badly dumped, beyond that you are there to help with whatever they need. Cook them some dinner, make sure they leave the house and eat. Since it is Christmas, brace yourself for a drunken breakdown and many “why don’t they love me”’s to come. The Breakup Season will come for us all eventually, it is just a matter of time.