College is a place where you will meet all sorts of people, coming from all paths of life. This means that you’ll be baffled by how some people act, but also amused. So I present to you, 6 of the annoying people you’ll meet in college.
1) The “Hun”:
The Hun is a common species. You’ll know it’s her before you even reach the room she’s in because you’ll smell the fake tan and see the giant Michael Kors bag. The Huns attitude is that of a Marilyn Monroe quote, that has been seen on a usually misspelled meme on facebook. Often known to cry when she’s drunk at 3am until late the next day and then be confused as to why her housemates are being a wee bit hostile towards her, shaking it off as them being “pure dopes like”. The Hun won’t clean up after herself because she’s too above that. Can also be spotted bringing a few of the “lads” over at 1pm to listen to DJ Cammy and Adele remixes. Which brings me to…
Modern huns also rampage across Europe leaving destruction in their wake. They call it inter-railing.
2) The “Lad”:
The Lad just loves cheeky banter. Honestly he does. Really. Don’t believe me? Don’t worry, he’ll tell you. Makes a lot of offensive jokes from 2011. But if you ever get offended, fear not, for the Lad will explain “sure I was only messin’ like jesus”. Shares pictures of his car on the internet with the caption; “anyone wanna go for a spin girls only ;)” Will often have hair resembling an iced gem. His cheeky banter with the other lads means going out “on the pull” or “on the lash” to find some “birds” and then getting angry with them and tutting before exclaiming “HACK OF YA ANYWAY” if said birds decline any tempting offers he gives them.
The perma-tanned nadir of human civilisation.
3) Mr./Ms. Right:
This person is better than you in every way. You have an exam today? Pfft. They have an exam that is much more difficult and important. You did a cool thing once? Pfft. They did a cooler thing, and you’re probably making up that thing you did anyway. Different opinions? Ha. I laugh at you for thinking your opinion is equal to this persons’. You like a certain type of music? You’re wrong, that music is bad. You’re eating what? Here are all the reasons why you should be following their diet. And don’t even try to share a story because Mr./Ms. Right will have a better one that they can talk over yours about.
4) The Flake:
The Flake will make plans with you. Loads of them. But they will never go through with it. Going out Friday night? Prepare to get a text 1 hour before the meet up time saying that they’re sick or just not bothered tonight. Always ended with a “we will definitely do it on ______ instead!!”Will almost always decline your invites to anywhere, but if you go somewhere without inviting the Flake, prepare for a tweet/Facebook status mildly directed at you and how undependable and betraying you are. (dramallama).
“Hi. I’m Nathan, and I’m a massive flake”.
5) The “I Don’t Drink” Guy:
The I Don’t Drink guy is the reason that other people who decide not to drink get so much hardship for it. The I Don’t Drink guy will definitely tell you the dangers of alcohol like you never knew, how everyone is an alcoholic and how they just HATE when people talk about alcohol (despite them being the ones to bring it up in every. single. conversation).
6) The Judge:
You study what? Haha. Goodluck with that, my course is superior in every way. She did what with who? Oh my god. How awful. He plays what? Hahaha, that’s a stupid sport. You like who? But they’re (enter attempt to turn you off person here). You breathe? Loser, they derive their sustenance and life-force from deep sense of superirority. Best thing you can do with the judge is ignore and disregard them. (Or hit them on the head with their gavel).
“I hope you know in your heart of hearts that you’re a worse person than me”.
So there you have it. 6 annoying people who you will meet in college. But don’t get too cocky, chances are we all have a little bit of some of these people inside all of us…
Emma Craven