Elf on the Shelf May Be Working For ISIS

elf on the shelf isisThe Elf on the Shelf has been a staple of a traditional Christmas since its inception way back in 2005. Purported to be working directly for Saint Nick himself, the job of an Elf on the Shelf is to watch over children at home and report back to Santa on Christmas eve. This report will determine whether the child is classified as either naughty or nice.

Sounds like a fairly straightforward set-up right? But hang on, does something not strike you as a little odd? Why does Santa even need these elves? First off, we already know that Santa is all-seeing. There were no issues with the naughty or nice list before 2005, and with the global population steadily increasing, Santa would be unlikely to allocate perfectly good workshop elves to glorified security watchmen.

The reality of the situation is far more sinister than you would believe, and is in fact so grim that the mainstream media outlets have been silenced by world governments for fear of inciting global panic and ruining Christmas. The Elf on the Shelf is in fact a scheme put together by ISIS to allow widespread, in-house surveillance of westerners.

Correctly predicting that white people would not be too fond of a load of non-white people coming over and living near them, the terrorist organisation set out to develop a way to invade as many houses as possible without arousing suspicion or unmarried couples. Thus, the Elf on the Shelf was born.

The idea of the Elf on the Shelf is that he will watch over children on the days leading up to Christmas, each day moving to a different location in the home. On Christmas eve, he disappears back to the North Pole to report to Santa. In reality, each elf is equipped with the latest in surveillance technology, live streaming all audio & visual data to a Muslim somewhere. When the “Elf” can see that the coast is clear, it plays audio to subliminally indoctrinate children into Islamic radicalism. Even the story is littered with undertones of anti-west propaganda. In the image below, you may notice that the words “Elf” & “Shelf” are spelt out with bones, but look closer:

elf on the shelf

elf on the shelf

The methodology of the attack is brilliant in its subtlety it must be said. While all reasonable people all busy ensuring that ISIS doesn’t slip into their country with amongst Syrian refugees, we are all joyfully welcoming these “Elves of Islam” into our homes with open arms.

The company is based out of Germany (surprise, surprise), and with the popularity of the Elf on the Shelf steadily increasing, so too are fears that this may be the last Christmas ever.