Sinn Féin sells Gerry Adams’ soul to the Devil for favourable opinion poll results

A major political story broke this week from The Irish Times, when their polling research saw that Sinn Féin’s favourability among voters was equal to that of Fine Gael’s favourability.

Also, another statistic that boggles the mind is that Labour’s Joan Burton has increased the party’s favourability by two points. This is an outstanding achievement considering that Labour have been behind some of the most disastrous job building schemes to hit the country since the government were recruiting Irish troops for World War One.

When people were asked who they would vote for if an election were held tomorrow, party support – when undecideds are excluded – compared with the last Irish Times poll in May was: Fine Gael, 24 per cent (no change); Labour, 9 per cent (up two points); Fianna Fáil, 20 per cent (down five points); Sinn Féin, 24 per cent (up four points); and Independents/ Others, 23 per cent (down one point).

Sinn Féin declined to comment on how party leader, Gerry Adams, has been reported to have sold his soul to the Devil in exchange for the boost in public opinion.

A spokesperson for the ex-Saint Lucifer said, “While we are not at liberty to discuss our clients’ personal business, due to the freedom of information act, we can say that we have tampered with the public’s consciousness regarding their views on Sinn Féin. How this deal was paid for will remain confidential unless the client involved wishes to tell the public. Right now we have to prepare for an eternity of torture for a new soul with an impressive beard. Every day we will tug at it and make him smell the queen’s fanny.”

The new polling figures come about just before the pending by-elections in Roscommon-Leitrim and Dublin South West.

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