The Most Depressing Men You Encounter in Coppers

Anna Walsh gives us an insight into Dublin’s premier shift-shack, through the eyes of a lady.

The Tragically Insecure
That short guy who has beige hair somehow. You know him from home or school or work maybe? Always waves super vigorously when chances upon you on the street but can never get his words out. Almost cries when you drunkenly hug him.

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The Raver
The bleak 19 year old on pills. And for some reason you’re not quite feeling it. You think he’s been chewing gum but has actually been attempting to chat you up all the while you’ve been vacantly staring at him wondering why he’s chewing gum so intensely at your face. Could be good looking if not so contorted.

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The “Stud”
The guy you used to score till he dumped you even though you weren’t together.

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The Stud-Saver
The guy you score to show the aforementioned dumper how wifey yet sexy you now are. Inevitably the dumpers best mate, as he’s standing not two feet from him in the smoking area. Considerably less good looking, but 100% more eager.

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The 4+ Degrees of Separation
Someone else really shit that you do shots with because he’s your cousins mate maybe. It’s all very cringey. You wonder how you became the girl that stickily high-fives wonky-faced strangers at the bar.
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The Philosopher
Some dick who works abroad and is home now telling everyone how he works abroad but is still a dick. His end game is suspect. May wear a suit jacket and jeans and have a really f*****g stupid face, especially when he talks about his interests that definitely involve extreme sports and not re-watching Scrubs in his little grey bedroom.

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– Anna Walsh #annaw999

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