Sexting: to do or not to do?

Answer: if both parties are consenting, absolutely!

Sexting can be a fun way to flirt, and an even better form of foreplay when physical contact isn’t an option.

It’s something loads of us will do at least once, yet for some reason a lot of the regular “sexters” don’t seem to get it right!

While the most obvious “don’t” is not to send a sext to someone who you suspect might not appreciate a surprise Delfie. Here’s a list of the do’s and don’ts of sexting:


  • Ask for permission/give warning for your incoming sext:

No one wants unsolicited sexts. To quote our CBB Queen, Courtney Act: “consent is sexy!”

  • Get creative with your sexy pics, use props and emojis to add to the mood:

Everyone loves a well-placed eggplant or peach emoji, add some mystery to your pics by censoring the good bits. Leave your sexting buddy wanting more! 😉

  • Wear lingerie:

Who doesn’t love sexy lingerie? Even if you’re a man there are plenty of costumes and lingerie available. Not sure what to buy? Ask your sexting buddy what they’d like to see you in.

  • Ask what they like:

Do they like dirty talk? Teasing? Or do they prefer to play coy? The possibilities are endless and the only way to know is ask!

  • Send your messages to the right person:

Nothing worse or more horrifying than accidentally sending mom a raunchy text.

  • Tidy your room before you take pics:

Seriously, don’t be the person that takes photos in something that could be shown on Hoarders.

  • Use good lighting:

Everyone should know what light they look best in. I’m a personal fan of morning light but you might prefer Golden Hour. Nothing makes a natural filter better than the sun setting


  • Send an unsolicited pic of your bits:

It’s sad this even needs to be mentioned, but alas, it does. Don’t be the weirdo that every woman knows. One day you’ll find a woman who uses the “get a dick pic, send a better dick pic” tactic!

  • Expect them to respond:

Just because you poured your heart and soul into your sext does not mean your texting partner has to reciprocate. They could be with family or at college. There’s nothing worse than opening your phone to a picture of an elephant man-kini in the middle of a busy lecture!

  • Send lengthy texts:

You don’t need to create a Shakespearean soliloquy of a sext. Keep it short and sweet, this gives your partner a chance to add their input to the conversation.

  • Continue sexting if they say they’re busy/not in the mood:

Unless you know for a fact they enjoy being pestered with your advances, let your partner tell you when they’re ready before you start your tirade of innuendos and sexy pics.

  • Take ages to reply:

If you initiate the sexting, don’t leave them hanging high and dry waiting 10 minutes for each text. Delayed gratification is fun, but not THAT delayed!

  • Send a random message to a person you barely know:

If the person you’re thinking of sexting is that man from your sociology class that you’ve maybe had one conversation with, or that woman from your job whom you have a fun flirtationship with. Try having a real conversation before you bombard them with your sexy thoughts!

  • Get angry if they don’t reciprocate:

Seriously, this is rape culture at its finest. No one needs to be forced into sexting someone if they don’t want to. So don’t guilt someone for not stroking your phone-ego. Remember, sexting is supposed to be fun for everyone! So get out there and have some consensual, sexy fun!

Fiona O’Kearney