Not only is college great for meeting new men, it is also great for meeting fellow females. We require just as much time and effort in analysing our own species, as men do, except we don’t bother doing it as we know it’s too much hassle. And believe me, we are complicated creatures (I will be the first to admit it!). Check out what goes through our minds, here:
1) We compare ourselves to other girls: Yes, we always do it, whether we mean to or not. It’s like asking a guy if he’s ever measured his penis and compared it to the average size – everyone does it so much so, that it has become the norm. Hair, figure, makeup and clothes; it’s all thrown into the judgmental mix and the majority of the time, we always come out better than our opposition, or at least we console ourselves with the fact that we are probably funnier than them (guy’s like funny, right?!)
2) We judge, advise and envy when it comes to makeup:
– If a girl is wearing too much make up, you will be judged: “Woah, did you see her face? She wouldn’t look out of place in Vegas!”
– If you’re wearing no makeup, we will suddenly become a makeup expert: “Maybe she could do with a little blusher and mascara to lift her face and accentuate her eyes.”
– If you’re wearing the perfect amount of makeup, we will be jealous: “Oh, I loved her lashes and lipstick! She looked gorgeous, the bitch!” We’re never happy!
3) We are always on clothes watch. You could be wearing a Penney’s top from 3 years ago and we could name the style, price and aisle it was on in the shop. But if you’ve worn it more than once in a lecture, we are able to tell you what day you wore it on and what with, and may think you need to get a new wardrobe (even though we’re sat there in the same jeans we’ve had on for the last week).
4) Our hair is our 5th limb. Seriously. It is like an extension of our souls and god forbid if anyone messed it up, we would mess them up too! We also take great pride in it because it represents our femininity to the opposite sex. And we can spot a mile off, if a girl has not washed her hair in a good number of days and we will silently analyse why she hasn’t washed it and whether she knows it is as bad as it looks (despite the bottle-load of dry shampoo in our own hair as we do).
5) On a night out, every girl is dressed in two ways: for men or for women. If you are dressed for men, you will be revealing a bit more of yourself than us females would like (even if we are doing the same). And if you are dressed for women, we will be envious of you but will want to be your new BFF. Whether we like or dislike you is also based on whether you have a bitchy resting face or not. If you do, you will be our arch enemy for the night and we will spend most of it asking our friends, “Who does she think she is?”, whilst secretly wishing we were you. If you don’t and are quite smiley, we will see you in the bathroom queue later on for that selfie, girl!
So when it all comes down to it, us women are pretty much a judgemental and jealous bunch. We are all hypocrites, in one way or another, and are self-righteous when we want to be. But crazy makes for interesting! There’s no point in trying to work out why we are who we are. We gave up doing that a long time ago, guys. You s