Tuesday saw the Taoiseach, Enda Kenny, facing a vote of confidence by members of the Dáil. The motion was proposed by the bitter element of the Sinn Féin party who after years of being ignored in school have taken to the political stage to try and be popular during a time of social unrest in the Irish Republic.

Kenny came out the victor during the vote with 86 TDs giving him the thumbs up versus the 55 opportunists among our elected officials who gave him the thumbs down.  There were cheers of delight in the Dáil after Kenny came out of the vote with his head held high. Soon after the cheering stopped, many of the TDs removed their pants and began masturbating in celebration of the result.

Leo Varadker, Michael Noonan, Charles Flanagan, and a collection of junior ministers, all removed their pants and formed a circle around Enda Kenny while vigorously tugging at their genitals. After nearly 15 minutes of ferocious masturbating, the circle jerk came to a climax as the TDs began to spray the Taoiseach with semen while chanting “5 more years! 5 more years! 5 more years!”

When the spray down was completed the TDs gave the Taoiseach a pat on the back and headed to the Dáil bar for some Bailey’s Cream. The Taoiseach told reporters he was grateful for the support he received during the debate and vote.

The Dáil will be on holidays until after the Christmas break, Oxygen.ie will continue reporting on news from the government chambers in the New Year.