Madonna has reacted with outrage at unfinished recordings from her new album being leaked online, describing it as ‘artistic rape’ and ‘terrorism’. The singer, known for her vain desperation to remain relevant despite not doing anything of note in a decade, made the claims on her Instagram whilst posing provocatively.

Madonnas last album was called MDNA, a reference to the class A drug which she insists on taking every Friday and Saturday night to remain, in her words, ‘down with the young folk’.

More recently she has posed nude for Interview magazine, drawing vocal humiliation from her four children and unflattering but oddly accurate examples to that old Black Adder scene.

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While Madonna did suffix the charge of rape with ‘artistic’ in regards to the leaked mediocrity from her forthcoming album, its worth noting she didn’t write or produce any of the songs that were made public. They were also heavily auto-tuned.

She might want to let someone take over her Instagram as well.

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