Spokespeople for the Majority Irish National Ginger Equality Rights group have launched an appeal for amateur porn star and serial celebrity wife, Kim Kardashian, to try an auburn or even strawberry blonde shade for her next hair change in order to raise awareness for ginger rights across the globe.

We reached out to Oran Flaherty, treasurer of MINGER, for comment.

“Half the world follows her on Twitter. If they could just see someone like her rocking the colour, they’d realise that we are actual human beings too. My hair colour has a strong effect on my life, most women just avoid me, like they don’t want to catch it or pass it on and the good looking red heads want a guy with dark hair so they can have attractive children. The only ones left are ugly gingers and that’s just compounding the problem. Pairings like that will only result in unattractive progeny and what hope will they have? I don’t want to have to wait until I’m sixty and my hair goes grey to be socially palatable.”

We tweeted Kim Kardashian for a comment on the petition and after being ignored several times, changed tack. We asked had she ever slept with a red haired man. Her immediate response;

“I didn’t even know that was a real thing? Thought they invented them for the Harry Potter movies.”

Oran Flaherty has refused to let Kim’s ignorance of the issue dissuade him.

“I’ll keep trying. If we can’t get her, we’ll start on her sisters. Failing that, there’s always her mother, that wizened old prune seems desperate for attention. But it has to be soon, we’re going the way of the Black Rhino. If something doesn’t change, we’re facing extinction. Ninety percent of the lads in my support group are still virgins. If someone asks me one more time on a night out if the carpet matches the drapes, I swear I’m going to shoot up a school.”

The group launched a petition late last year in the hopes of alerting Kim to their plight. So far they have thirty eight of their target one hundred million signatures.

Conor McGinnity