In light of the recent comeback of pop stars from the 90s and 2000s, is Bertie Ahern dusting off his anorak and preparing to be number one again? At a time when television shows such as the Big Reunion have shown that there is inexplicable desire to relive some of the pop atrocities of the 90s, not to mention recent success of The Spice Girls and Take That reunions, there is money to be made and Mr Ahern is not a man to shy away from a few easy quid.

Recent reports have led us to believe that Bertie’s Back. If a conversation overheard in the toilets of Fagan’s is anything to go along with, the former Taoiseach has been quite vocal of his jealousy of other has-beens getting more attention and stage time. Another Fagan’s regular, Johnny Murphy, went on record saying, “The deciding factor for him was when he saw a poster for pop band 5ive playing Christmas shows in the Red Cow! 5ive!! There’s only Jaysing 3 of them!! If the public can get over that, it clearly shows that they can forgive and forget and ignore numerous issues.”

In true Bertie Ahern fashion, he couldn’t give a straight answer when approached at a bus stop in Drumcondra.

Look, I Have A Dream after spending many Seasons In The Sun, that people of Ireland, I was Born To Make You Happy. I said when I left that it will Never Be The Same Again and it hasn’t! You’re all Breathless from Spinning Around, Life Is A Rollercoaster, you voted in Fine Gael and I hear you say , Oops, I Did It Again! Now, Against All Odds, my name is on everyone’s lips again. Because of that it’s a Beautiful Day, We Cant Fight The Moonlight, now the big question is, Can We Fix It? Pure And Simple, yes. We Gotta Get Thru This and maybe a Freak Like Me is the man to do it, maybe not. A Little Less Conversation is needed though.”

“Now, I Gotta Leave Right Now, my Venga Bus is comin”

Alan McElroy