Straight men generally avoid finding themselves boyfriends, but it seems that the road to hell truly is paved with good intentions. One Reddit user, ProbablyGay1, seems to have found himself in a same-sex relationship without realising it. Of course this is a bit of a theatrical way to put it, but it isn’t too far from the truth.
ProbablyGay1 posted in a subreddit devoted to relationships, and described his relationship with longtime best-friend Ian. ProbablyGay1 & the dashingly handsome Ian have a relationship that would generally be considered atypical between two straight men by any standards. From snuggling, to gifts, to “miss you”s, this relationship sounds considerably gayer than most of the gay relationships I’ve had.
This is ProbablyGay1’s only post, and it has now been deleted, so it is possible that this is just an internet tall-tale. However, if you’re not gay then you can’t imagine the lengths a person will go to to hide their sexuality. Creating a new account, and then deleting the post when it starts to gather a lot of attention is pretty standard.
A copy of the original post can be found below, and you can visit the original page to see the replies.
This is kind of a weird one.
Ian and I were in the same English class in high school. I assumed he was out of my friend league because he was really handsome-not ripped, just genetically blessed in the facial department-and seemed really smart and cool, so nerdy me assumed that he was super popular.
Ian and I ended up seeing each other a lot. Eventually I decided that it was time to stop being afraid of Ian and try to be friends with him.
About a year after I really started hanging out with Ian, there was a revelatory moment where I realized that I was Ian’s best friend. The whole time I’d known him I’d just assumed that he had a ton of great friends that he didn’t talk about.
I had been so wrong about Ian. Yeah he was quiet, but that was only because he was kind of introverted, and he doesn’t like talking about himself. Also, “too cool” my ass-Ian’s a fucking nerd, just like me. He seen every episode of Pokemon and Digimon AND Yu-Gi-Oh. We would hang out at each other’s houses doing homework and watching cartoons after school a lot.
Flash forward to today. Ian and I attend different colleges, but we talk everyday. Puberty has been kind to me. I’m not on Ian’s level of attractiveness, but I’m pretty confident these days. Lately I’ve been wondering if Ian and I are more than just good friends at this point. Some reasons;
- Ian HATES being touched. At first I noticed that he was uncomfortable when I’d touch him so I didn’t. After a while, HE started doing it. When we’re alone, he’ll move next to me and put his head on my shoulder. It’s kind of adorable. Now we’re physical all the time-not sexually, but he’ll lean against me if we’re standing together, or put his arm around my shoulder.
- At first when we slept over one of us would sleep on the floor or couch or something. Now we just share beds. I’ve woken up with his arm around me before. Not gonna lie; my heart did embarrassing things the first time that happened. I woke up before him and just thought about how nice this was, and how lucky I was. He woke up a few minutes later and we looked at each other smiling, and then I said, “Gay.” And we both burst out laughing.
- We go on each other’s family vacations.
- Once he went on a research trip for college. When he came back he told me he identified a new type of thing (I’m being vague, his major is weirdly specific). He said he named it after me. I was kind of floored, and asked him why. He said, “Who else would I name it after?”
- Neither of us have dated anyone recently. Personally, I just haven’t felt inclined. I think maybe it’s because I already feel like I have Ian. I don’t have a gender preference and my friends know this. Ian has always been vague about his orientation.
- We go places alone a lot, like the beach. Once I was having a bad day and he surprised me by showing up my house and knocking on my window. He drove us to the top of a mountain, and we climbed into the back seat and just laid there together for hours.
- While we’re in college, he sends me cute messages. Like “I miss you,” “Something reminded me of you,” etc. I found out from his friends that he talks about me a lot, which is a relief because I talk about him to my friends all the time. We mail each other gifts sometimes. He sends me samples of specimens from his research, like cool rocks or leaves. It sounds dumb, literally receiving rocks and leaves in the mail, but you bet your ass I have a whole shelf devoted to that shit. Honestly, Ian could probably send me a turd that he found scientifically significant and I’d treasure it.
I think about Ian a lot. He’s attractive and smart and funny and overall, probably my favorite person ever. It’s embarrassing how much I like Ian. He can make my whole day by texting me.
As you can see, there are a lot of things that can be explained as things that regular straight best friends do, and other things that . . . can’t. (What, straight bros don’t snuggle?)
I’m graduating college this year (he’s staying to get a higher degree) and I realized it’s the first time I can decide where to live, and I also realized that where I want to live is with him. But I feel like if we’re going to live together, I should finally figure out whether we’re boyfriends. Ian’s pretty reserved, so it looks like I’m going to have to be the brave one here.
tl;dr: My best friend and I have some not-so-platonic behavior. How do I ask him whether we’re boyfriends, or if he wants to be?