Italy beat England in penalties last night during the final of the 2021 Euros. Then, as if by a miracle, all English tea turned bitter overnight!
It was estimated that some time early this morning, probably around 8 am, an ole English codger took a sip of his tea and found it to be very VERY bitter.
We got in touch with the ole to see what the story was.
“Well there I was now, ‘aving a cup of Rosey lee. That’s cockney for ‘tea’! Jaysus we’re smug bastards most of the time us English bastards, aren’t we? Well not this morning let me tell ya.”
It was around this point that our correspondent from Oxygen to politely hurry the fuck up.
“Alright then!” the codger said. “I took a sip of me tea and spat it out. So bitter! It must’ve been some sort of satanic miracle I say. God himself must’ve had it with the English after all the terrible things we’d done that we chose to ignore us and kicked us while we were down.”
Hundreds of more cases poured into English tea companies around the country claiming that the tea bags were faulty.
Conversely, Irish tea like Barry’s and Lyons sudden tasted sweeter all of a sudden! Isn’t that mad?
English tea is expected to go back to normal when their morning phase is over. God knows when that’ll be.