We have just recovered from a scorcher of a Bank Holiday weekend and everyone has begun to head back to their jobs and wait for the next mini summer to hit our shores. Everyone had a great time in the sun this weekend, except for one pale, uniquely haired group. That group is the gingers.

Gingers are similar to vampires when it comes to the sun. Wherever there is sunlight, it is a no go area as Gingers start burning up almost instantly. I know this from experience. As a ginger, I got the usual abuse about having no soul and all that growing up, but one thing that really affected me is that huge orange hot thing in the sky. Whenever I woke up and saw the unmistakable brightness that comes from our nearest star, I got a sense of anguish as I knew I had to take extra precautions compared to others when it came to staying protected from the sun.

Here are a few ways gingers can stop getting burnt in moderate sunlight:

1.  Factor 50 Suncream

What red head doesn’t use this? Some gingers can get away with it for some unexplainable reason (probably black magic), while the rest of us must paste the Factor 50 on us like we are painting a house. It is rough but has to be done if you want to catch some sunlight before it drys into your skin after 5 minutes and you have to repeat the process. It is a vicious circle…

Suncream rub in face

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2. Stay in the shadows

Whenever you are walking around in the blazing hot weather, try to stick to dark, shadow covered areas. You may look super creepy as you jump from one shadow to another, hissing back at the sun as your skin fries for a split second mid jump. You cant afford to stand out in the sun for even a second before your skin starts sizzling and you end up like this after 3 minutes….

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3. Bring an Umbrella

These are typically used for the opposite type of weather, but you can thank me later when you don’t feel like you are lying in the middle of a frying pan. If people ask you why you have that, tell them it’s a new style that’s totally in and that they should do it too (This will also make you look less weird). This is me in Stephens green a few years ago. Yes plenty of people laughed, but the joke was on them as my umbrella and shitty tracksuit bottoms kept all my bare skin as pale as ever and not one bit burned. That roll was nice too…

4. Don’t Go outside

Realistically, what is so good about outside? There are drugs and knives out there. Why not stay inside and binge watch the latest TV show on Netflix? Seriously, who cares that everyone else is outside drinking cans and having a laugh? At least you are up to date on the Sinner now.

5. No Seriously, Stay inside

I cant stress this enough, Whenever it is scorching outside, I have a fear of going outside and staying outside for too long and this happening…..

Its not worth it my ginger amigos, while everyone is outside having the time of their lives, we get to watch our favourite shows and movies , all the while laughing at those losers outside getting burned to a crisp.

I swear that I’m not jealous of those people who can stay outside in the sun. Not Jealous at all….

John McAuliffe